Out With The Stank, In With The Swank

Four years ago I bought a new sofa, and was pretty proud of myself. It was the first piece of grown-up furniture I’d ever bought.
Soon after, my cat started shredding it. And shredding it. Until the arms looked like ripped rags.
Then Millie moved in, and took up residence on the couch. She’s drooly and can be kind of smelly, and soon the couch was looking dirty. I had it professionally cleaned, but it didn’t really make a difference. I bought a slipcover, but it didn’t really fit and shrank in the dryer (so I wasn’t supposed to dry it that way, but who has room or time to let a slipcover drip dry?)
Now our entire living room smells like dog-couch, and neither or us really want to sit on the sofa. We especially wouldn’t want to invite company over and have them sit on it.
After months of searching, we finally bought a new sofa tonight. It’s leather. It’s sleek. It’s very pretty. The cat is declawed now (not because of the couch, but it’s an added benefit). And the dog won’t be allowed on the new sofa.
But of course, breaking her habit will take time. So the saleslady encouraged us to buy the leather protection plan. If anything stains or tears our sofa over the next five years, we can get it cleaned or replaced for free.
She was doing her darndest to outline all the possible scenarios (she paints her toenails on her couch and would be protected if the polish spilled. Too much information). But Lee and I nearly lost it when she tried to persuade us with this statement, “And if you have your grandmother come over, and she’s incontinent on the sofa, you don’t have to worry about it.”
Thank goodness, she walked away after that statement to let us talk it over. That was good timing, because I don’t think we could have stifled our laughter much longer. I mean, I’m sure there are people who’ve been through that sort of unfortunate incident, but to make it a sofa selling point?
In the end, we bought the stupid protection plan. Not for fears of incontinence, but because we know Millie will still manage to get on the sofa and drool when we’re not watching. But hey, if our friends end up with bladder problems, they can come on over. We’re covered.