Rain is Stupid

I know we need rain to sustain life, blah blah blah. But yesterday, the rain just took it too far. It had rained for several days, and last night Lee and I were sitting at the dining room table when I saw something disturbing. On the ceiling. A hole.
The fake-o popcorn facade was peeling back, exposing the ceiling, and a yellow-brown ring that we though was evidence of an old stain had grown. We have a leak.
Old Man Clanton, our neighbor, is so going to feel so vindicated. He kept saying we needed to get the leaves off our roof, and even mentioned that we should buy a ladder like his so we could get onto the roof. But he never offered to let us use his ladder. Just told us to buy one. But when he sees roofers working on house, I’m sure he’ll think, “I told you so.”
I don’t know yet if homeowner’s insurance will cover it, but I’ve been told not to expect it. Replacing our roof could cost thousands. And we just broke the bank for Alaska.
Time to go deliver some pizzas for extra cash. I heard there’s a decent brothel up the street. Maybe they’re hiring. Anyone want to donate to our roof fund? Send cash, checks, or money orders. Or shingles.